I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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