My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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