Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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