I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
