if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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