lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
