honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
