stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
high people should be assigned attendants
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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