I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
