we have pet lesbian snakes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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