I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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