oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
