Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
