I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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