He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
