The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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