Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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