I faked an abortion last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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