remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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