dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
