K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't special order awesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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