My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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