id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
