The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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