And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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