the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
