i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
