the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
