She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
