Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
