His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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