i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
