Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
