Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
