girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
