I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
