I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
