I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
