Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
