I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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