never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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