i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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