Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize