One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
