Can i not drive my cunt home
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
