i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
