I'm gonna have a badass scar
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dear god my vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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