I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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