Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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