God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
