i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
