Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
