if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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