Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
