happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
