I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
