Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
