I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
