I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Less talking, more tequila
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You made out with two different species that night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
