k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
