he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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