I've blown a few things in my day
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
