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Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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