So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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