***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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