I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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