totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
